Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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