White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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