I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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