so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
