I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize