We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
