i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
