I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
