we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
