I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
