so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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