I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
