I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He kissed a someone with a penis
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Of course I have a pirate flag
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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