It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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