Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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