I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
