I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
