You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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