Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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