Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
