please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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