i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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