I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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