My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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