and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
