Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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