My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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