these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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