Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
