this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
