So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
