you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
