Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Screwed.edu
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
