It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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