Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
