ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
