In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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