haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
