I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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