just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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