We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
