I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize