Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
