Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
