love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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