on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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