Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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