It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
