You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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