considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
