Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So here I am, sexting at work.
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