Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
