I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
