we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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