There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
