Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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