So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My penis needs a shock collar
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
