dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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