I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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