What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
