I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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