Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
